Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
