Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
