corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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