You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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