Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just high enough for therapy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
