Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
