that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
