Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
