Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
