you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
