he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
