Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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