Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
