don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
