Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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