Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
