she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
