I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
