90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
