peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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