Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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