I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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