After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
