Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
