'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
