I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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