Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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