I accidentally burped into my bong.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
