I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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