She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
