So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
