i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
