i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
