I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
