if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
