she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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