I want you more than these girls want KFC
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
