No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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