I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
