so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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