Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
