We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
