i need an iv and a liver transplant
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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