By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
