i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
