She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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