Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
