I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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