Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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