this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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