the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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