Little spoons don't ask big questions
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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