I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I've blown a few things in my day
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
