i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
