I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
