Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
