Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
