I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We left the knife in your bed.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
