Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
