wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
