he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
