Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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