She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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