I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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