Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
