I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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