How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
