anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize