this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
