operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
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